50 Things I Know to Be True - Part 3
I’m celebrating my 50th birthday this month and reflecting on what I’ve learned and know to be true in these last five decades.
As you read my list, think of which ones resonate for you, too, and let me know in the comments below!
(p.s. You can find the first ten here and the second ten here.)
21. Giving without expectations brings me joy. One of my love languages is gift giving. I love thinking about the recipient and what they might enjoy and loving up my family, friends and clients with special little gifts. I’ve learned that the joy for me is truly in the giving… with no attachment or expectation around how my gift will be received or reciprocated (and it doesn’t have to cost money!! It could be giving someone the gift of my time or a positive online review of their services or their book).
22. Letting go brings peace. Letting go of what others think, letting go of trying to manage or control situations, letting go of the need to be right, letting go of negative or distressing thoughts. It’s not always easy but I’ve found this to be true over and over again: when I can let go, even a little bit, it fuels a sense of inner calm and peace.
23. Face to face time (in person or on Zoom/FT) or phone conversations is always more fulfilling than texts, emails or comments on social media. Don’t get me wrong – I love little “I’m thinking of you” texts and appreciate the myriad of ways there are to stay connected in our world. But for me, nothing compares to spending time in the flesh with the people I love!
24. Snail mail is one of my favorite things in the world. I regularly send cards and notes to people I love and once in a while my dining room transforms into a crafting table when I get inspired to make a batch of my own homemade cards (one of the things on my joy list!). And of course, it’s always a day brightener when I receive a piece of handwritten snail mail!
25. Asking for the support I need is a strength. Over time, I’ve learned that being the “brave little soldier” who can do things on her own is… exhausting. This really sunk in after I was diagnosed with cancer. I became an expert at articulating what I needed in order to help restore my health. Asking for help does not come easily to me but like so many things it’s become easier as I do it more and more. I often think of how good it feels when someone I love asks ME to support them in some way, and then I remind myself of this when the tables are turned and it’s me who’s the one reaching out to ask for support.
26. Saying “no” can be a powerful form of self-care. I’m an Enneagram Seven, extroverted recovering people-pleaser and it has taken me DECADES (+ developing cancer) to learn how to set better boundaries around my time. What helps me do this is realizing I am a much happier, healthier and less resentful person when I don’t overcommit. Plus, giving myself a little breathing room in my schedule in-between clients and meetings allows for more spontaneity. I have more flexibility for things like meeting a good friend for a walk or a last-minute lunch date in the park!
27. Change can be messy and uncomfortable, but like Glennon Doyle says “We can do hard things.” I had panic attacks off and on the entire first year after I moved to Colorado in 2002. I didn’t know anyone here and was starting a new life from scratch in a place that my soul had felt called to explore and be in. And I was highly uncomfortable planting myself in a new community and embarking on a big new project in 2015 with my husband when we started spending half our time in Hawaii. I was suddenly the “new person in town” once again, although this time I wasn’t making the move solo which made it a bit easier. Most of the big changes and risks I’ve taken in my life have brought up lots of anxiety and unease… in the beginning. I’ve come to understand my own process around meeting change much better, though, so I’m not as taken off guard now when/if my anxiety flares up in the midst of big changes and life transitions.
28. Forgiveness benefits me as much as it does the person I’m forgiving. There is a saying from the Theravadan Buddhist teacher Ajahn Chah that resonates deeply with me: “ Let go a little, have a little peace. Let go a lot, have a lot of peace. Let go completely and have total peace.” When I can forgive and truly let go, it contributes greatly to my inner peace.
29. Surrounding myself with beauty feeds my soul. Fresh flowers, twinkle lights, my garden, candles, artwork I love. Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder, so define for yourself what you find beautiful and notice how it feels to have beauty in your space.
30. Splurge when you can – if it’s something that brings you joy. I’m not an advocate of mindless shopping or spending beyond one’s means, but if there are things you can afford that bring you joy… I say treat yourself! A few of my favorite “splurges” are: fresh flowers, this kind of dark chocolate, Tatine candles and a sushi lunch once in a while!
Any of these feel true to you too? I’d love to hear - feel free to share in the comments below.
xo
Mindy