Some Reflections from a Day of Retreat...
A few times each year I teach a 20-hour mindfulness course. I love to teach and share the gift of living more awake and intentionally with others. And witnessing the transformation I see in participants as they engage with the material and bring greater mindfulness into their day-to-day lives is such a joy.
One thing I do is combine two of the class modules into a retreat-style day. I add in some extra time so we can have spacious discussions, do some extra meditations, and we take an hour break midday to have lunch in silence and do some walking meditation.
I wanted to share some thoughts and reflections with you from the most recent retreat day I led last Saturday:
In a culture that so values achievement and “doing,” it’s a huge gift we give ourselves to slow down, just “be,” and really pay close attention to our experience. Two of the activities participants in the retreat day said they found most beneficial occurred during our lunch break: slowing down to eat mindfully and then taking a slow stroll outdoors and paying attention to whatever sights, sounds or smells and sensations caught their attention. Think about it: how often do you take half an hour to eat your lunch or just go for a walk and really slow down to notice the sights, smells, and sounds of your surroundings?
We are so hard on ourselves. Self-compassion is the antidote. It’s as if we think that criticizing ourselves will motivate us to change. In fact, there’s a growing body of research that shows giving ourselves kindness and compassion is a much more effective way to motivate ourselves to make desired changes in our lives. I taught my group a short exercise called the Self-Compassion Break that I learned years ago from Kristin Neff and Chris Germer. It’s really simple. The next time you’re in the midst of a stressful situation or are being hard on yourself about something you first pause and put your hand on your heart. This is a gesture of compassion towards yourself. Next, say something to yourself like “This is a painful moment.” or “This is a moment of suffering.” And then remind yourself “Everyone has difficult or painful moments. “ This reminds you that you’re not alone, even though it can feel that way when you’re really struggling. The third piece of the Self-Compassion Break is to end by repeating a statement to yourself like “May I be kind to myself” or “May I accept myself just as I am.” You’re giving yourself a little kindness here, something it’s so easy to give others yet seems to take practice to give ourselves.
Connection deepens our learning. You can absolutely learn to meditate and live more mindfully on your own, but with the support of a teacher and a group who is learning with you: the growth and learning are exponential. I’ve seen it time and time again. There’s something about having a container of support and accountability that makes a huge difference. If you live in, or near Durango, and would like to join me sometime for one of the MLP classes I teach, drop me a line here and I’ll let you know when the next course is beginning. I’m always open to the possibility of traveling and bringing the class to your community as well if you can get group of 10 more more people together who are interested in taking it!
I’ll leave you with one of the poems I shared with the group last Saturday:
Mindful
by Mary Oliver
Everyday
I see or hear
something
that more or less
kills me
with delight,
that leaves me
like a needle
in the haystack
of light.
It was what I was born for —
to look, to listen,
to lose myself
inside this soft world —
to instruct myself
over and over
in joy,
and acclamation.
Nor am I talking
about the exceptional,
the fearful, the dreadful,
the very extravagant —
but of the ordinary,
the common, the very drab,
the daily presentations.
Oh, good scholar,
I say to myself,
how can you help
but grow wise
with such teachings
as these —
the untrimmable light
of the world,
the ocean’s shine,
the prayers that are made
out of grass?
As you move through your own life and the upcoming holiday season, I wish you many moments of slowing down to appreciate the ordinary, everyday blessings in life that “more or less kill you with delight.” Sunrises and sunsets, the laughter of a baby or a child, an unexpected kind word from a stranger… you get the idea. Blessings are all around us when we pause to really notice them!