Fifty Things I Know to Be True at Fifty (All 50!)
After fifty trips around the sun, I’ve learned and grown a lot and found a number of things to be true in my life. These are fifty things I’ve found to be true in my life.
Some are lighter and more playful, others are more serious and the result of going through some painful growth experiences. I hope a few (or more) resonate with you in some way and perhaps spark you to make a list like this of your own!
1. Dark chocolate and coffee are essential food groups (at least in my world!). This is my new favorite dark chocolate and this dark roast coffee is pure liquid heaven (or “nectar of the gods” as my friend John would say!).
2. People will not always be loving and loyal. Bless them and… move on. This concept is from the work of David Richo, but I’ve had my own experiences of it a number of times. While it’s painful when people we love pull away or betray us I’ve learned not to take it as personally as I used to. Sometimes relationships end – either for good reasons or for reasons we may never know or understand.
3. If it’s not a 100% “yes”, than it’s a “no.” I do my best to slow down, tune in, and listen to my inner guidance when I need to make a decision. I usually end up regretting it when I say “yes” if I feel any ambivalence.
4. Take the time to celebrate. The little things, the big things… even the things that didn’t turn out the way you wanted them to. I love to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, and other milestones, but years ago I started celebrating less obvious things as well. For instance, my husband and I went through many years of infertility treatment and each time we completed a cycle, before we knew the outcome, we would go out for a special dinner and celebrate the time and effort (it was a LOT!) we’d just infused into possibly getting pregnant. Even when something doesn’t work out the way I’d hoped it would, I do something to honor and celebrate giving it my best.
5. You will never regret making or taking the time to do the things you love. I make time every day to get out in nature, spend time with my husband and our pups, and connect with people who are dear to me. I love to travel and explore new places. And I love to create: I write, make collages, make playlists, make my own cards and create new content for my businesses every week. All of these things nourish me.
6. There will always be challenges in life and it’s up to me how I respond to them. I always have a choice, which feels empowering. For instance, when I’m angry I can shoot off the snarky email (been there, done that – it does not feel good later) and say something I’ll regret or I can take a walk and cool down and then decide how to proceed. This applies to any situation in life.
7. A good cry is cleansing and cathartic. Letting the tears flow when I’m sad, depressed or even angry is like opening up a release valve. Years ago I learned that there is a physiological basis to this. Some research shows that emotional tears help us shed stress hormones and other toxins that build up when we’re stressed. And crying can stimulate the production of endorphins, our body’s natural pain killer and “feel-good” hormones. No wonder I almost always feel better after a good cry!
8. Being vulnerable is one of the strongest, most connecting things I allow myself to do. It takes great courage to be vulnerable and to share my fears and weaknesses with others (and this is not something that was modeled for me growing up – I have to really work with that part of myself that wants to present “all put together” and act like everything is “fine” even when there’s big stuff going down in my world!!). Being honest and authentic, sharing my deepest truth with others (who have earned the right to hear it)… these are what has opened up some of the deepest, most heartfelt connections in my life.
9. It is always worth it to be true to who you are. Our society’s expectations, other people’s expectations, family expectations, etc. These will always be there to some extent. Taking the time to be clear on your values and where you want to put your precious time and energy is invaluable. When I stay connected to my deepest values and let my inner compass guide me, they rarely steer me in the wrong direction.
10. Making the effort to stay in touch with your friends is so, so worth it. I adore my diverse, wide circle of friends. Each friendship is a beautiful thread from different chapters of my life, woven into a rich tapestry that keeps expanding over time . The love and connection and history I share with each of them is precious.
11. At the end of my life what will matter most is how well I lived and loved. I know this deep in my bones. I can’t imagine laying on my deathbed and money or success being the things I value most. I think it will be those tiny strings of moments spent connecting with people I love, the ways I showed up in relationship and the time I took to do things that were deeply meaningful (to me). I do my best to make choices each day that align with these things and honor my deepest values. As the wise spiritual teacher Jack Kornfield says: “What matters is how we live. This is why it is so difficult and so important to ask this question of ourselves: ‘Am I living my path fully, do I live without regret?’ so that we can say on whatever day is the end of our life, ‘Yes, I have lived my path with heart.’ “
12. Time spent in nature is always nourishing. I go for a walk or a hike most days, and when I’m traveling I try to spend as much time outdoors as much as possible. Walking by the river or a lake or a pond, on trails in the mountains, along the ocean, or even up and down the streets in my neighborhood… it all feeds my spirit. Being outside and held by the sights and sounds and smells of nature helps get me out of my head, into my body, and connects me with the beauty in the world.
13. No one will ever say on their deathbed, “I wish I’d spent more time scrolling on Facebook, Instagram or Tik Tok.” Enough said, right?
14. Nourishment goes beyond the food we put into our body. Deep belly laughs, deep breaths, time in nature, meditation, restful sleep, travel, qi gong. When I think of nourishment it includes, but also extends way beyond, the food I put into my body. I believe that feeding my mind with inspiring words and feeding my spirit with quiet, contemplative practices is equally as important as eating nourishing foods to stay healthy.
15. Love is one of the most powerfully healing forces that exists. As I get older, I rest in this knowing more and more. Feeling seen and truly loved for who I am is one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received.
16. Our bodies are incredibly wise. The cells of our bodies carry so much wisdom. When I am truly tuned in and paying attention to the signals my body send me, I almost always receive the guidance I need. It tells me when to slow down, when I’m hungry, when my stress level is getting too high, etc. Over the years I’ve learned to heed its wisdom and listen more closely to it.
17. Travel makes life much richer. It opens our minds to new ways of thinking and being in the world and has also taught me a lot about “going with the flow” and being patient. Immersing myself in a new place or a new culture opens my eyes to what a vast, diverse, beautiful world we live in. Even if I’m just taking a weekend trip to a new place a couple hours away, the travel and time away from my normal routine almost always offers me a fresh perspective. (As I type these words, I’m sitting in a little casita on the northwestern coast of Costa Rica and appreciating the chance to immerse in the “pura vida” culture here!)
18. My life would not be the same without a daily dose of “Vitamin G.” Each day when I wake up I give thanks for being alive another precious day and reflect on what I feel grateful for from the last 24 hours. Gratitude is woven into the fabric of my life and helps me remember what is going well and all the people, places, animals and experiences I appreciate. I can’t emphasize enough how transformative this practice has been in my life over the last 25 years. It’s helped me weather times of depression, loss and transition with greater ease. Even during the most challenging of times, I can always find reasons to be grateful.
19. Don’t postpone joy. Do the things on your bucket list. Eat the cake. Spend time with people who light you up and make you laugh. Find a way to take that trip you keep dreaming about. Watch Ted Lasso (if you haven’t already! And if you have… you can watch it again and again… like I will be this winter). Every few years I make a “joy list” as a reminder of things I can do to boost my spirits when needed. ;-) Think about what would be on your joy list and how you might bring these things into your life more often.
20. Worrying about what others think of me = wasted time. Thank you Byron Katie for teaching me that what others think of me is none of my business. My self-worth no longer depends on external validation the way it did when I was younger. I cherish who I am and love myself regardless of what other people say or think about me. As a recovering “people pleaser” it’s been quite the journey to reach this point. LOTS of letting go!
21. Giving without expectations brings me joy. One of my love languages is gift giving. I love thinking about the recipient and what they might enjoy and loving up my family, friends and clients with special little gifts. I’ve learned that the joy for me is truly in the giving… with no attachment or expectation around how my gift will be received or reciprocated (and it doesn’t have to cost money!! It could be giving someone the gift of my time or a positive online review of their services or their book).
22. Letting go brings peace. Letting go of what others think, letting go of trying to manage or control situations, letting go of the need to be right, letting go of negative or distressing thoughts. It’s not always easy but I’ve found this to be true over and over again: when I can let go, even a little bit, it fuels a sense of inner calm and peace.
23. Face-to-face time (in person or on Zoom/FT) or phone conversations are always more fulfilling than texts, emails or comments on social media. Don’t get me wrong – I love little “I’m thinking of you” texts and appreciate the myriad of ways there are to stay connected in our world. But for me, nothing compares to spending time in the flesh with the people I love!
24. Snail mail is one of my favorite things in the world. I regularly send cards and notes to people I love and once in a while my dining room transforms into a crafting table when I get inspired to make a batch of my own homemade cards (one of the things on my joy list!). And of course, it’s always a day brightener when I receive a piece of handwritten snail mail!
25. Asking for the support I need is a strength. Over time, I’ve learned that being the “brave little soldier” who can do things on her own is… exhausting. This really sunk in after I was diagnosed with cancer. I became an expert at articulating what I needed in order to help restore my health. Asking for help does not come easily to me but like so many things it’s become easier as I do it more and more. I often think of how good it feels when someone I love asks ME to support them in some way, and then I remind myself of this when the tables are turned and it’s me who’s the one reaching out to ask for support.
26. Saying “no” can be a powerful form of self-care. I’m an Enneagram Seven, extroverted recovering people-pleaser and it has taken me DECADES (+ developing cancer) to learn how to set better boundaries around my time. What helps me do this is realizing I am a much happier, healthier and less resentful person when I don’t overcommit. Plus, giving myself a little breathing room in my schedule in-between clients and meetings allows for more spontaneity. I have more flexibility for things like meeting a good friend for a walk or a last-minute lunch date in the park!
27. Change can be messy and uncomfortable, but like Glennon Doyle says “We can do hard things.” I had panic attacks off and on the entire first year after I moved to Colorado in 2002. I didn’t know anyone here and was starting a new life from scratch in a place that my soul had felt called to explore and be in. And I was highly uncomfortable planting myself in a new community and embarking on a big new project in 2015 with my husband when we started spending half our time in Hawaii. I was suddenly the “new person in town” once again, although this time I wasn’t making the move solo which made it a bit easier. Most of the big changes and risks I’ve taken in my life have brought up lots of anxiety and unease… in the beginning. I’ve come to understand my own process around meeting change much better, though, so I’m not as taken off guard now when/if my anxiety flares up in the midst of big changes and life transitions.
28. Forgiveness benefits me as much as it does the person I’m forgiving. There is a saying from the Theravadan Buddhist teacher Ajahn Chah that resonates deeply with me: “ Let go a little, have a little peace. Let go a lot, have a lot of peace. Let go completely and have total peace.” When I can forgive and truly let go, it contributes greatly to my inner peace.
29. Surrounding myself with beauty feeds my soul. Fresh flowers, twinkle lights, my garden, candles, artwork I love. Beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder, so define for yourself what you find beautiful and notice how it feels to have beauty in your space.
30. Splurge when you can – if it’s something that brings you joy. I’m not an advocate of mindless shopping or spending beyond one’s means, but if there are things you can afford that bring you joy… I say treat yourself! A few of my favorite “splurges” are: fresh flowers, this kind of dark chocolate, Tatine candles and a sushi lunch once in a while!
31. Unsolicited advice is better kept to myself. It’s amazing how often I find myself wanting to give it (in the name of being helpful, of course!!) and yet most people don’t really want advice. Most of us just want someone to listen and will ask if we do want someone’s advice.
32. Joy is always available. It is my choice. Even on the roughest days, I can do something that sparks a little joy – snuggle with my pups, recall a happy memory, make a hot mug of chai, or have a quick sidewalk chat with my adorable 6-year old Lego-obsessed neighbor.
33. I can trust my journey. I may not understand why certain things have happened and I may not be grateful for all that’s unfolded, but I do trust in the divine order of my life and I trust that I will always be okay and have the support I need.
34. I can trust the wisdom of my higher self. When I listen to this wisdom, and my inner guidance, I make decisions that are for my highest good.
35. Waking up each day is a blessing. Each morning when I open my eyes I silently say a prayer of gratitude. I think it’s an enormous gift and a privilege to be alive and to have another day on this planet. Even on the days that feel most challenging I’m still thankful to be here.
36. I can’t change others. This seems so obvious, but how often I’ve found myself wishing someone would act or behave differently! It’s a losing battle. One of my mantras is “Stay in your own lane, Mindy.” I’m so much happier when I live in alignment with my values and let my life (not my lips!) be the example I set. As my friend Kellie so eloquently says, “Live according to your internal calling and allow others the space and the GRACE to live the call of their own beautiful heart.
37. My happiness is my responsibility. It’s not dependent on others. It rests on the choices I make, the thoughts I choose to believe, and how I live my life. I do not look to others or to external sources to “make” me happy.
38. I can honor the lives of the loved ones I’ve lost by living my life as fully and joyfully as possible. Each morning when I sit at my kitchen bar and sip my coffee, I look out at a beautiful piece of artwork (a heart with wings!) that hangs on the gable of our garage roof. My beloved friend, Myra, gave it to me six years ago just months before she died. It’s a daily reminder to me that I’m here, I’m alive, and I get to (not “have to”) do all the things on my to-do list today. I honor this precious life by living it as fully and joyfully as possible.
39. Explanations are not necessary. It’s okay to politely decline an invitation with nothing more than a “Thank you for the invite, but I’m not able to make it.” Whatever my reason is, I’ve let go of the need to explain. It’s simply not necessary.
40. Being on time shows respect. I used to be that person who was chronically running late. Something shifted in me years ago when I realized that this was causing me stress and is also disrespectful to the person I’m meeting. I do my best now to give myself plenty of time to get somewhere and be on time. If I’m going to be more than a few minutes late, I text or call so that the person I’m meeting isn’t sitting there wondering where I am.
41. It’s okay to leave. I remember being on vacation once and signing up for a morning yoga class on the beach. I showed up, rolled out my mat and ten minutes in I realized… it was more of a “gentle stretching“ class than the Vinyasa yoga I thought it would be. I quietly rolled up my mat and let the instructor know I was okay but would be leaving. I spent the next 80 minutes taking a glorious beach walk instead of suffering through a class that wasn’t my jam. I give myself the same permission with movies I don’t like!
42. It is okay to change your mind. No explanations required.
43. The beach is my happy place. Dipping my toes in the sand, swimming in the ocean. Pure bliss. This article explains why time at the ocean is so healing (my mind loves understanding the “science” behind it!).
44. My health truly is my greatest wealth. I do a short gratitude practice each morning when I wake up and the first thing I give thanks for each day is waking up and feeling well. I never for one day take it for granted. I also check in with myself every day and ask: “How can I support my body, mind and spirit today?”
45. If something truly supports your wellbeing, make time for it. When I was going through cancer treatment, I started doing qi gong and for a couple years I practiced an average of two hours a day (total, not all at once!). I knew it was making a difference and helping me heal. There were times I said “no” to lunch dates with friends or rearranged my work schedule so I could fit those two hours in, but I gladly did so to honor what was nourishing my body. Whatever habits. practices or relationships support your wellbeing - do your best to carve out the time for them in your life!
46. Be kind. I truly believe that kindness is one of the most healing, connecting forces there is on our planet. Small gestures of kindness take very little time and think about how good it feels to be on the receiving end of them. A good friend gave me a cute little sticker for my birthday this year that says: “Kindness: sprinkle that shit everywhere!” Let’s do it, friends.
47. You never really know what’s going on in someone’s life. That person who just snapped at you in the checkout line? Maybe she just found out her son has cancer. Or the driver who cut you off? Maybe they’re in a hurry to get to the hospital because someone they love was just in a bad accident. I do my best to take a deep breath, not assume and have compassion. I always appreciate it when others offer me the same kind of grace
48. Unplugging is good for the soul. For an hour, a day, or longer if you can get away with it.
49. A good book, warm blanket, cozied up with my pups next to the fireplace = heaven.
50. I wouldn’t be who I am or where I am today without the love and support of so many others whose shoulders I stand on. My parents, a loving family, dear friends, so many wise teachers and mentors. It brings me to my knees with gratitude and I consider it a huge privilege to have been, and to continue to be, so richly supported.
I’ll be carrying these “truths” in my heart, continuing to let them inform and guide me, as I move into this new decade.
I hope that you, too, will take time soon to reflect and write about what your own personal truths are. I can tell you from recent experience that this is a powerful exercise. ;-)
Cheers to fifty trips around the sun and the learning, growth and transformation they’ve brought!
xo
Mindy