The Difference A Decade Can Make
The “ten year” posts on Facebook last week got me thinking a little further back, back to the ten years in my life between these two photos: 1999-2009. In 1999 I was twenty-eight years old and living a very comfortable life in Chicago: I had a good job, great coworkers and friends and family I loved in Illinois, a place I’d lived my entire life. But in my heart… I knew something was missing.
I thought a change in my work might make me “happier,” so I started interviewing for a new job. Nothing came to fruition right away (a blessing in disguise, in retrospect) and then one day while I was at my favorite little independent bookstore in Chicago (it’s not around anymore, but does anyone remember Transitions?), I saw a flyer for a 12-week Artist’s Way group. The Artist’s Way book had been sitting on my bookshelf for a couple years and I’d only gotten as far as the second chapter. Something within me said “Sign up for this group.” So, I listened and I did.
And every Tuesday night for three months I would get in my car and make the hour drive from work (at Loyola Medical Center in Maywood) up to Evanston for this group. If you’re familiar with The Artist’s Way, a process created by Julia Cameron, you know it’s all about tapping into your creativity and giving wings to your creative dreams. I wasn’t even sure what mine were, but I think something in me knew they weren’t being fully accessed.
One of the most powerful exercises I did during those twelve weeks was creating a “treasure map” where I cut out images that appealed to me and pasted them together on a piece of paper to make what I now would call a vision board. The process was an intuitive one and as I sifted through old magazines, cutting out images that spoke to my heart, a clear theme emerged. I wish I had a photo of this vision board… it was the most beautiful collage of nature images with majestic mountains and alpine lakes and people outside running and hiking and enjoying the outdoors. It awakened a dream in me that I’d had years before that to move out West and make a life in the mountains where I could actually spend time playing in those gorgeous mountains that were so predominant in my collage.
So I kept my job search going but started looking in Colorado instead. And then, one day, the perfect job came up in Durango, CO. Quite honestly, I’d never heard of or been to Durango when I first applied but my background and qualifications were a perfect match for what they were looking for. It took a couple months for them to get back to me, but once they did everything happened quickly. Two phone interviews, a quick trip out to interview in person, and one job offer later I was the new full-time Medical Social Worker at Mercy Medical Center.
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” - Anaïs Nin
Moving to Durango was one of the best decisions of my life. Not only did I immediately fall in love with this sweet little mountain town, I met so many amazing people who are still friends and colleagues almost two decades later. I loved my new job and felt a warm welcome from new coworkers. The extra 15 pounds I’d been carrying around for years melted off as I embraced a more outdoorsy, active lifestyle. I ran my first marathon the second year I was there and in late 2004 I completed a yearlong professional life coach training that has catapulted into being my primary career over the last decade. I started to leave all the “shoulds” behind and began to tap more deeply into the whispers of my heart, allowing them to guide me more than my head. And in December of 2008, I walked into a little coffee shop called Pure Soul to meet a friend and I ended up meeting the love of my life that morning. We got engaged ten years ago this month and will celebrate a decade of marriage next June.
It hasn’t all been unicorns and rainbows, though. Even though the changes I made were welcome and invited ones, my mind often struggled as I adjusted. I’ll never forget the first six months or so after I moved to Durango. I started having these incredibly intense and uncomfortable chest pains and my mind would start to panic “Oh my God, am I having a heart attack? Whats’s wrong with me?” I would duck into my office in the hospital, grab my cell phone, and call my good friend Kate (a social work colleague back in Chicago) for support. And she would say “It sounds like you’re having a panic attack or anxiety, but if it’s really that bad go to the ER and get it checked out.” To which I would respond “There’s no way I’m going to the ER in this new hospital I just started working in. I’m too embarrassed.”
I look back on how my pride and ego kept me suffering way longer than I needed to before I finally went to see a primary care doctor to get some help. I’ll never forget telling the doctor about what was going on and asking her if I could get an EKG and an echocardiogram… and how kind and compassionate she was to me. “Of course we can do that,” she said. “I think it’s reasonable to rule out any physical causes for your pain, but I also want to give you a prescription for this anti-anxiety medication. The next time your chest hurts, just try this and see if it helps. If it does… then we’ll know that the cause of your chest pain is probably anxiety.” The tests came back negative and the medication worked like a charm. ;-) And I will always be grateful for the “p.r.n.” Xanax that helped me get through those next 5-6 months until the panic attacks subsided. I also went back into therapy for a year and worked on shifting some old patterns that were fueling my anxiety.
As we listen to, and follow, the callings of our soul there can be so much wonderful growth and expansion and there are the growing pains that ensue as we make big changes. Can you relate? I find that so many of my coaching clients are going through something similar as they pursue their callings and create new chapters in their lives. It’s an honor to support them on their journey with the wisdom, tools and life experience I have under my belt from the last couple decades.
I have zero regrets about leaving the Midwest to create a new life that I love in Colorado… panic attacks, growing pains and all. As you can see, one big choice to relocate led to so many other things unfolding in my life and I can’t imagine who I would be today if I hadn’t taken that risk.
So if there’s a change you’ve been contemplating or a risk you’ve been wanting to take I encourage you to ask yourself “Who will I be in ten years if I don’t do this now?” And then think about this quote I used to have taped inside the front cover of my journal and let it inspire you, too: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.